Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
