Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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