adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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