Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm passing your future prison.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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