He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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