My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
only you would photoshop your dick
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
