if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
