i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we're making bets on your personal life
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
