The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
