I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
