We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
