bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
