I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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