So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm both gender and math confused
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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