Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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