so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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