I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
