oh god the rape fog is back!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
