She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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