Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
only you would photoshop your dick
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
