This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
