...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i believe in u and ur pee
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
