I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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