I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
