you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
