better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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