your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
