I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
