she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
