Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
