Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
