90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
