I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
