1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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