my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
