What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
