So drunk its hurt
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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