How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
