the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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