I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
