He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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