Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
