Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
