True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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