Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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