I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
