Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
