she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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