ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
