Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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